When I left town, we were headed for the altar and I told you I’d be back before too long. Cut my hair and I got me a new girlfriend, thought a broken heart could write a perfect song. And it did and I was right so now you’re gone.
Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness at The Fonda Theatre | Los Angeles CA | Oct. 15, 2014
Some day I will find it in myself to start doing all the things that used to make this blog actually fun to look at. But for now I’m just going to continue to feel small and unhappy.
This place is everything I expected, nothing that I want, and too far away from the things I need.
I told someone about some of my feelings and I think that might have been a mistake but I’m not really sure because I can’t really decide what I think about it and I don’t think it’s gonna go over very well but I can’t tell if being relieved that I did it is enough to make it okay.
My eyes hurt and my brain hurts.
Now I’m tired of this mess, and I’m tired of this life, and I’m tired of this feeling, so I’m leaving tonight.
Oh, the places you will go, when you’re searching for a home, gotta knock a lot of doors, before you find one for your own. And the crosses that we bear, they’re not going anywhere, woven deep into my skin, I will take them and begin.
I’m supposed to let him miss me but if he writes me a lot and I ignore him why would I be worth missing? And if he’s too busy to write I’m supposed to just instinctively know that is bullshit and pick myself up and walk away but what, no dude has ever been too busy to write a message on time before? Like that’s not allowed? I just wanna do what makes me happy. I wanna do the thing that makes me wonder the least. Life rules confuse me.
But really, nothing is wrong and everything is great. I have a great life and nice friends and good things to do and there is nothing to be sad about and no reason to worry.
I don’t want to move and I don’t want to stay. Maybe, like Sylvia, I’ll just go mad ricocheting in between.